Friday, November 2, 2007

smell my feet!

ahh, halloween in new york city... need i say more? well, i will anyway. the restaurant was slow, but we did have a table of asian 20-somethings in crowns, antennae, horns and other head-gear, and at one point a cuadrilla of chanting tacos marched past the door. rice krispies treats had been prepared for the trick-or-treaters, and one youngster rolled in with a spattered shirt and a hoody and politely averred "actually, i'm a murderer." later, the manager's hubby strolled in clad as bob's big boy, complete with fat suit and pompadour, oversized "sandwich" and rosy cheeks.

after work we twisted a hooter in the usual place, and gave the clip to a posse which included a fortune teller brandishing a magic 8 ball. on the way to our next destination we encountered the joker, catwoman and the penguin; the ghostbusters; a sloth of care bears, and captain crunch, among other savory characters.

at von we picked up a cowboy who corralled us over to max fish, which was predictably packed with freaks. donald and daisy duck were notable in their rentables (i can only imagine how many people must have fondled donald's fuzzy tail without his knowledge). there was a kissing booth (she was only charging a dollar!) and lots of gals with fairy wings that smacked people in the face as they maneuvered through the crowded bar. by far the best naked card was played by a skinny chick who must have been over six feet tall, "dressed" as a cheetah (a leopard?) in nothing but four-inch heels, a furry black sumo-style tail-thong, and black spots painted all over her bare skin. when she entered the room she was like moses parting the red sea, and everyone's eyes were hers. any other day of the year she might just have been arrested. another scanty standout was a mermaid, with shiny pasties only slightly covering her boobs, which i must say trumped leopard girl's by a long shot.

afterwards we went for pizza and saw the whitest mr. t ever, and some dude at one of the tables was wearing black contacts that were scarier than any other spectacle that evening. i'd had enough of long lines for one night, so i scooted up the block for the much less popular street hot dog option. the lady (!) at the cart seriously tried to charge me THREE DOLLARS. we ended up compromising at $2, which is highway robbery anyway but everyone's gotta squeeze out a living somehow, and jacking up prices for drunk people on holidays is like, a tradition or something.

as the night wore on i found it increasingly difficult to tell who was dressed up and who just dressed like that all the time. needless to say there were lots of pigs about.

i do so love to stick a knife into a pumpkin whose guts have been scooped out, and i carved one at work and one at home this year. pictures are (will be) included but can only hint at their glowing orange awesomeness, much as one girl's summary can never fully capture the insanity of this annual event in our fair city. a good jack o' lantern, like a good get-up, is always better seen in person. of course you can't keep the magic around for too long; them things start rotting within a couple days of being carved up. but take heart: pumpkins come and go, but halloween festers forever.